I’m feeling a bit depressed these days. Its been a long time since I felt this way—years in fact. It used to happen to me quite regularly but in the past 20 years, only once or twice. I don’t really know how to handle it anymore. Actually I do. You just “bugger on through” as Churchill used to say. Outside of just paying my taxes, things should be pretty good these days. Business is good, I’m healthy, my family is healthy—what’s there to fuck me up? I think it is coming down to feeling ignored. Some of my emails are not being answered, one of my kids isn’t talking to me, my cats don’t pay attention to me unless they are hungry (they are cats after all), My photographs are not universally loved (except by a chosen few) God isn’t paying attention to me —whatever. What I do know however is that I will get over it. Taking pictures helps but even that has not been going well recently. So, I look at my old stuff and try and find something to put up here. It helps pass the time and gets me out of myself.
This picture was taken in NYC last year. Because of my shitty disposition these days, I decided to print it in black and white. I will be going back to New York in a month or so and I hope things are looking better. Perhaps then I could post something in color—or at least say something more interesting.
I guess you have to take your lumps and victories one day at a time. I recently bought a Leica X1 to carry around with me when I don’t feel like schlepping my big camera and lenses around with me, and low and behold it broke. It actually fucking broke! A fucking Leica for Christ’s sake! That might have something to do with how I feel. Even Leica is ignoring me (or at least the camera is). I phoned them and they told me to send it in and I did and they said that usually they have to send it back to Germany for repair and it would take about 5-6 weeks. 5-6 weeks! No wonder I’m depressed. But then she said that since it was such a new camera (I only had it for a month), they would probably exchange it for a new one (Leica has a soul) so I sent it in, but after waiting for a week to hear about it I still feelingt ignored (see above) so I called them and they apologized for making me wait so long and said they would ship me a new one overnight tomorrow (bless their heart). Maybe that is what’s really fucking me up. It is after all, a real issue of feeling ignored. I will tell you on Friday. Perhaps I will post a photo that I took with it.
Wish me luck.